quitting

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collarbones. 

dirt on my feet. 

flesh on my bones.

blood in my veins. 

unoriginal.

uninspired. 

death-defying. 

denying all known remedies.

sometimes i feel like i need to do things eloquently. like it's not enough just to be myself. doesn't the world tell you to be yourself? why is it, then, that i feel so much pressure to be you, and vice versa. society isn't all it's cracked up to be, ladies & gentleman. ladies, please, wear some decent clothes, and who cares if you got a new pimple. (you're beautiful, swettie!) and gentlemen, please, do me a massive favour. 

*incoming rant*

PUT A SHIRT ON! I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE A SIX-PACK OR NOT! IF I HAVE TO WEAR A SHIRT, THEN YOU HAVE TO WEAR A SHIRT AS WELL! 

(does anyone else find it strange that whilst women are continually told to put some clothes on, i don't think men are told enough)

*end of rant (please continue in an orderly fashion to the nearest exit)*

so to hell with being eloquent, and like you. i'm gonna be my own damn person, and gonna live my life, and chalk my hair, and get my nose pierced, and wear handmade clothes, and get married, and have children, and grow old with my beloved by my side. 

Children, be wonderful today.

X

(ps. i quit my job. now i'm broke & unemployed....)

Year 12 graduate (finished with school)

I am now officially finished (and graduated) high-school!

It was only a small ceremony. (I was the only Yr. 12 there) But it was good to finally be able to say that I've finished school. Now to get a job, and earn lots of money, and buy a DSLR camera (any advice on a good beginners one?), and a Macbook Air. And tickets to travel the world. I am super excited for what the next few years will bring!

X

self-image : introduction

i've had this idea in my head since i saw Jocee's comment. and then, after this idea had sprouted in my mind i remembered a post i had read once upon a time on Lauren's blog (the post is here. thank you very much. it only took me one whole hour to find it)

anywho, onto the idea. self-image. the idea, conception, or mental image one has of oneself. what's your self-image like? do you like what you see when you look at yourself? or can you only see the bad bits? the bits that no-one else sees?

in the next few weeks, months, years, i'll be doing a post on what i think about my body. the first one being my face. then hands, feet, so on, and so forth. feel free to join me. (this is by no means a link-up, but... if you do write a post on this topic, put the link in the comment box, click publish, and i'll be over there checking it out.)

X

the humdrum of earthly activity

i. a person's daily routine 

ii. what they eat for breakfast (or if they eat breakfast at all)

iii. what they listen to when driving

i. I wake up anywhere between 6am and 9am. I get out of bed anywhere between 6:30am and 9:30am. (I usually spend 30mins checking social media before I get up) Then I'll have a shower, get dressed, and put my contacts in. After that, it's breakfast. Then, I do whatever. Work on some sewing, put the washing on, clean up my room, etc. Lunch is anywhere from 12-3pm, then after lunch I either look after children or do my own thing (go for a walk, do more sewing, etc.) Dinner is usually at 6pm, then after dinner I do the dishes, then surf the net, read, or go straight to bed. (depends how late it is) And I'm usually asleep by 10pm, only to wake up and do it all over again the next day.

ii. while on the farm, I didn't really eat breakfast. I wasn't particularly hungry in the mornings. But, I'm back home for holidays, and Mum wants me to eat breakfast, so I have Greek youghurt with frozen berries, and oats. Maybe a coffee, tea, or freshly-made juice on the side. On the weekends, I might cook up some scrambled veggies. (scrambled egg with fried veggies, eg. mushroom, zucchini, capsicum, carrot)

iii. as I don't really drive much (I'm still on my Learner's) I listen to my father's voice, the wind whistling past the car, the air conditioner, and various other natural sounds. I find that if I have music on, I get to easily distracted. 

from Carlotta's post

verbum

Making:  scarfs, and other handicraft projects

Cooking: dinner. all the time. for seven people

Drinking: lots and lots of water

Reading: Mysteries of the Glory Unveiled by David Herzog

Wanting: a house by the sea, near a waterfall, in the country, with acres of untouched land

Looking: at the ocean from the backyard

Playing: the Wolf by Jana Gilmore. it is great!

Wasting: nought

Watching: 3 months worth of Blimey Cow videos

Enjoying: new places, & time with family

Waiting: for iTunes to work properly

Wondering: how I managed to convince my mother to let me move all the way over the other side of the country.

Loving: how much weight I've lost since the start of the year. (15kgs, guys! {33lbs})

Hoping: that my 3 page, what I want to do this summer, list gets at least half-done.

Marveling: at how my body copes with certain things

Needing: to pass my practical driving test

Smelling: the crisp ocean air

Wearing: all the clothes I left in WA (and bathers!)

Following: the dotted white lines whilst I drive my family around

Noticing: how much sugary food abounds in the city

idea from Paige's recent post

take it away

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blonde hair

blue eyes

smiling to hold it all inside

buck teeth

big head
don't want to get out of bed

breathe in
breathe out
count to ten
do it again
close your eyes
just survive

let it out now
cry aloud
let it out now
it'll be alright

here
take away my fear
throw it in the sea
throw it anywhere
i don't care
just take it away

#welcometomylife

We interrupt your reguarly unscheduled blog post with a very important announcement.

I'm in half a mind to close this here blog down. Like, I'm being super-duper absolutely very truly serious. 

But anyways, I'm sure you're all itching not to hear about my adventures over this past month or so. So here goes.

Sheep, sheep, baa baa.

What the heck?

Schoolwork.

Maths

Schoolwork

What am I doing?

Nightmare. 

Can't sleep.

Nightmare again.

Pelvic twist.

And again

And again.

Food shopping

Nose wiping

Piano playing

Hips hurting

Back spasms

Knee aches

Shoulder cramps

What am I doing?

Sore feet

Can't sleep

Wake up every hour

Still can't sleep

Hot, cold, hot, cold

Stupid weather

Hang up the washing

Cook dinner

Hang up more washing

Maths

Music

Cook dinner again.

#welcometomylife 

#enjoy

on again

dearest you

do you realise that what you're doing

is no good?

the pain you feel can be fixed

starving yourself is not the answer

change is in the air

you can smell it, feel it

do you stay or do you go?

shame on you, shame on me

just believe me when i say

every error you make can be erased

you with your tired eyes

making up your crazy lies

life goes on after the end

it goes on, and on again

For every error, there is a Teacher

For every ache you feel, there is a Healer.

For every meal you skip, there is a Bread of Life.

For every step you take, there is a Light.

For every death you face, there is Life abundantly

For every lie you say, there is a Truth.

For every map you read, there is a Way.

For every tear you cry, there is a Comforter.

For every war you fight, there is a Prince of Peace.

For every sin you make has been erased.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God not sent his Son to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved." 

~ John 3:16-17 (KJV) 

Sometimes I wonder why...

... Why am I constantly flying back forth between WA and VIC? 

... Why am I doing all this to myself?

... Why do I doubt my ability to do anything, even when I know I can?

... Why am I loved?

... Why does God love a deceitful, horrible, sinful human being like me?

... Why am I even doing this?

... Why am I always hungry?

Show me how to love like You love me.

Don't touch me.

My name is Sarah. I'm a terrible blogger, I have a fear of people touching me, and no, I don't have a boyfriend. (In regards to a previous post) 

Dance like no-one's watching

It's gonna be alright

Hold your head up high

It'll make you shine a little brighter

Remember to love,

Remember to live,

And always to forgive.

Remember these words,

And that you're not a curse,

You're a blessing to this world.

I'm Not An American Blogger

source

These past few weeks, I've been thinking about what to do. And doing some searching...

One of the biggest things I've realised is the fact that I'm not an American blogger. (hence the title of this post) I don't own a fancy camera, I don't have clothes from all the major outlets. I don't design blogs, I don't have an Etsy shop, etc. The list goes on. You see, ever since I started this blog, I've wanted to be one of those bloggers. You know, the ones with heaps of followers, great pictures, 'perfect' life, cute children. The ones with, seemingly, everything.

I don't know what I'm really good at. You know how you have these people who are really good at one thing, (photography, blogging, music, etc.) well, I haven't found my one thing yet. I like music, and blogging, and drawing, and writing, and children, but I haven't something I really love. Something I want to devote my life to. Maybe that's my problem.

EW, forever is a long way away...

x Sarah

Naomi

Dear Naomi,

You're 15 now. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! One more year, and you get to do all sorts of cool stuff, like, move out of home, etc. :) (don't move out of home for another 5 years, you'll give Mum a heart attack...)

You're a bit annoying sometimes, but only I or the other two can say that. OK? OK, that's good you understand. Did you know that you're beautiful? Well, you are. And you are loved, not just by myself and the rest of the family, but by a God whose peace surpasses ALL understanding.

2013 goals update

 Follow my blog with Bloglovin

GET HEALTHY//
This goal has three subtitles because it's like a three part problem/solution.
LOSE WEIGHT//
Guys, I have lost at least 6kgs in the past 6 months. Hot diggity dog, it feels great. :)
EXERCISE MORE// 
This is so not happening. Like, I'm not kidding. It's just too cold outside.
EAT LESS//
And this one is happening in a rounabout way. As in, I'm eating less sugary, fatty foods, but eating more good, healthy food. (homegrown cabbage tastes llike cauliflower with a hint of mustard, just thought you should know.

GROW CLOSER TO GOD//
This is happening in the strangest way possible. I'm reading the Torah at the moment (that is, Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deutoronomy) and learning more about what I can do to become who God wants me to be.

KEEP MYSELF/ROOM CLEAN//
Room is clean! This room clean goal has been quite easy to keep because there are mice in the house and I don't want mouse dropping all over my clothes, etc. 
The other part of this goal is not as easy. I have pretty bad personal hygiene, and just recently, had to resort to writing down when I last had a shower. But now that that's sorted out I can kinda keep plodding along.

SAVE//
It's really easy to save on the farm. Like, seriously, I only spend money on things I really need. (toiletries, etc.) And even then sometimes I don't have to pay for some of my stuff. It's part of my pay! HUZZAH! But I did get 2 new dresses the other day... For $9.98 each, one was originally $59, and the other $49. 

GET MORE HEALING//
I've changed this goal, because I've realized I don't have a problem with self-confidence but I have a problem. I'm so emotionally scarred so I need some inner healing. 

PS. Doing the Blimey Cow Photo-a-Day challenge 

I'm Getting Married!

When I came to Victoria, I wasn't expecting anything crazy to happen. And I certainly didn't expect that my whole view on life to do a complete 180!

In the past 6 months I've learned more about being an intregal part of home life than I ever thought possible.

Now onto the title of this post. I'm getting married, but not for a few years yet. You see, I had this grand plan in my mind. I would go to uni, become a teacher, and then after a couple of years of teaching, I would get married and have children. Not any more though. My whole view on womanhood has been completely turned on its head...

More on this topic in another post, this could turn into a book...

sister to a dead boy

outfit || dress: target || cardigan: rockmans || tights: big w ||

I was going to shut this here blog down for the winter... But for some reason I decided against it... But I don't even know what to say anymore.

I wrote this in my journal the other night

"normality. is that too much to ask for? all i want is some sense of normal, a feeling of belonging. a promise spoken, whispered words in my ear, 'you belong here, you are wanted.' sometimes it gets hard to see where i am, what i'm doing.

who am i?

i am seventeen years old, a year twelve student who moved out of home at the start of the year. i am a nanny, a governess, and a helper. i am the third daughter out of four, the fourth child out of five. sister to a dead boy. i moved out of home without recieving my adult blessing. 

i am nostalgia, the voice in your head,  saying, life has to be better than this. i am the silent cry. the lone wolf. the one who always lends a hand even though i need help, as well. a shut book, a closed case. woeful eyes, quavering smile.

but i am also courage. i am beauty. the night sky. the budding flower.  the tears of laughter and joy. the sound of praise and adoration. the cry of a newborn. i am protected. i am wanted, and i belong where God has placed me. i am beloved."

~I BELONG~

ps. this post is as much for me as it is for you

Lake Hindmarsh

There's this lake, about 3hrs from where I live. It's big, and not very wet (at the moment)

Let me back up a little, about a month ago everyone got invited to camping on the Queen's Birthday Weekend. (June 8-10) The Naylors politley declined for they had family coming to visit, and I said no because I needed a lift. Well, on the Tuesday before the long weekend I got a call from Lydia (who invited us), inviting me to go camping with them because they now had an extra seat. So I thought about it, and on Wednesday I decided I would go. Now, this campsite had no shower, and only a drop dunny. (Australian for bush toilet) I, the undersigned, hate bush camping. And 4 wheel driving (bush bashing) and motorbikes. Let me tell you, the weekend was all about bushin' it. 

The weekend was great, and I got to drive! I met a few people my own age, and learnt how cold it has to be before your body goes into "don't want to do anything" mode.

Sarah

ps. big news coming soon!

pps. this post is perf...

Bunbury

The last weekend I was at home, we decided to go to Bunbury, and surrounding areas. It was a bit spontaneuous and rushed, but we got out the caravan and drove there.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll relay what we did there (and how cold it was!) Hope you enjoy!

Update

Just a quick update.
I'm back in Vic on the farm and really loving it. I have a few posts writing up and something brewing in a corner of my minds :)

18 before 18 {a bucket list}

1. Make an article of clothing by myself
2. Make a quilt
3. Learn how to embroider
4. Make a flower crown
5. Learn how to play the guitar
6. Write a book
7. Publish said book (see #6)
8. Have a tea party
9. Go to the snow
10. Record a song, or two, or more
11. Release an EP, and/or single (see #10)
12. Make a music video (see #10 & #11)
13. Buy a pair of TOMS shoes
14. Get driver's licence
15. Go to Canberra (Australia's capital city)
16. Go to a blogger event
17. Create a recipe book
18. Get another piercing (either nose, or seconds)

XVII {29/04}

i: spontaneous trips to the beach
ii: beach with two of my fav girlies

iii: sunsets at said beach
iv: haircut selfies {complete with big eyes, and shoulder pads}

v: new shoes

Another year older. Another year wiser. Another closer to meeting my future husband, to meeting all my wonderful children, and my in-laws, and my children's in-laws. Another year well lived. Another year closer to death.

17 is a beautiful number. So elegant in it's writing. Standing up straight, even when under pressure. 17 is a great age.

#holla

Silence

silence

absence of any sound or noise: stillness

#prayforBoston #prayforNewtown #prayforAmerica #prayfortheworld

Life is Sublime, Love an Added Benefit

I'm back!! I mean, I'm back in WA with my family. If you follow me on Instagram or Twitter, you'll already know this... :) And as always, I need to readjust myself to home life. :p

There are pros and cons of living at home. Like how Mum does ALL the washing. (I have to do all my own washing on the farm.), but I have to share a bedroom with my little sister. (The room is half the size of my room on the farm.) Auntie Karen spoils us, but she can be a bit annoying. I get all my shoes, and clothes back, but there's limited storage space. (I have in built storage on the farm.) Also, Perth is much warmer than Vic, but it's a different warm, but it also means I can go to the beach!

But, seriously, guys, I'm loving it here! When I first get home, all I did was sleep, eat, sleep, and then do it all again. There's a 2hr time difference between Vic and WA, so I gained 2hrs coming back. :) But I think my body has finally settled into being in WA again... It took a while.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27 NIV

He Satisfies My Every Need

All of these words. And never one of them I feel satisfied with. Everything I do, what happens with it when I'm gone? I write poetry, and compose my own music. And yeah, I love it, but none of the words that I write, none of the tunes that I sing satisfy me.

The problem is that I have (had) a hole in my heart that needed filling. And no worldly thing could ever, and will ever, fill it. I guess, one could say that it was a God-shaped hole. I know that it seems ridiculous to some of you, but I've had a God-shaped hole in my heart since I was 12. Slowly, I'm letting God fill it. One step at a time.

I'm reading through the Torah (Genesis-Deutoronomy) at the moment. It's different reading it for yourself and not hearing the Bibles stories at church/Sunday school. There's a deeper revelation of what God has done. I encourage you if you want to find out more about what makes God tick, read the Torah. If you want to find out more about His salvation plan for the world read John. :)

I Am

I am joyful.
I am making clothes. (soon guys, soon)
I am happy.
I am going home.
I am seeing my friends.
I am in love with the I AM. (Jesus)
I am saved.
I am blessed. (to be a blessing)
I am writing.
I am Sarah, and this is my blog.

Today, I Feel Protected.

As I write this, I'm sitting on a bed in the spare room of my grandparent's place. (Dad's parents) I am joyful.

I went to Koorong, (a Christian book store) bought some things. I had an iced coffee, I hung out with my cousins yesterday, and the day before that. I've survived Melbourne traffic. I'm going home tomorrow!

I'm at peace with myself. I feel I can take anything that comes my way. I know I make mistakes but, I have a Saviour who is big enough to protect me.

Today, I feel protected.

Thoughts on the Cross

"Perfection cannot be measured with a single glance. It has to be touched, to be felt. In the same way, one cannot merely glance at Yeshua (Jesus) for His Glory, His perfection outshines the sun. Can one look at the sun without being overwhelmed? NO! Therefore, when one looks to the LORD, one must expect to be dazzled, to be taken on a journey to the highest heavens. One must expect to weep with joy, to be overcome, when one sees the LORD for the first time.

Is that not how you felt when you were saved? You saw the LORD, your Messiah, the Son of God, for the first time with clear eyes, and you were overwhelmed. You throw off your rose tinted lenses, and danced in His presence. When one can see so clearly why would one want to lose that vision, that precious gift of sight? One can finally see without looking through the world’s lenses first. Wouldn't one want to tell everyone to throw off their chains and accept the redemption, the freedom, that comes with acknowledging, with accepting, Yeshua as Saviour and Lord."

I wrote this a couple of nights ago. Just reflecting on the MASSIVE sacrifice Jesus made on that cross. I mean, what sensible man would die for my sins, let alone the sins of the whole world? One of my favourite songs at the moment is Circle by Flyleaf  And it goes:

“No man shows greater love

Than when a man
Lays down his life

For his beloved.”

It just demonstrates what happened on the cross, 2,000 years, or so, ago. 

The perfect love was shed for us.