sister to a dead boy

outfit || dress: target || cardigan: rockmans || tights: big w ||

I was going to shut this here blog down for the winter... But for some reason I decided against it... But I don't even know what to say anymore.

I wrote this in my journal the other night

"normality. is that too much to ask for? all i want is some sense of normal, a feeling of belonging. a promise spoken, whispered words in my ear, 'you belong here, you are wanted.' sometimes it gets hard to see where i am, what i'm doing.

who am i?

i am seventeen years old, a year twelve student who moved out of home at the start of the year. i am a nanny, a governess, and a helper. i am the third daughter out of four, the fourth child out of five. sister to a dead boy. i moved out of home without recieving my adult blessing. 

i am nostalgia, the voice in your head,  saying, life has to be better than this. i am the silent cry. the lone wolf. the one who always lends a hand even though i need help, as well. a shut book, a closed case. woeful eyes, quavering smile.

but i am also courage. i am beauty. the night sky. the budding flower.  the tears of laughter and joy. the sound of praise and adoration. the cry of a newborn. i am protected. i am wanted, and i belong where God has placed me. i am beloved."

~I BELONG~

ps. this post is as much for me as it is for you