angry

margaret river - june 2015

recently my boyfriend decided that he couldn't commit 100% to our relationship. given the situation and the emotional and mental strain that i'd been under, i gave him an essay of why i agreed with him and that maybe we should end our relationship at least for the time being.

and i'm still angry.

i'm angry because i've had time to evaluate. 

angry because maybe i should've said no to him when he asked again.

margaret river - june 2015

our relationship was one of those on-again, off-again. he first asked me out in spetember 2015. after a big discussion i ended up saying no. then in that october he asked again, i said yes. but...  a week later he broke up with me. 

then in early december he asked again, and i said yes. 

i'm angry that i said yes that second time. a dear friend of mine told me that he would ask again and that when he does that i should say no. 

why didn't i say no?

i love him.

it's pretty simple. i love him, i loved him, i thought i was in love with him, i knew i was in love with him.

contradictions all round buddy.

but when you sit back and ask yourself questions like, 'do i love him enough to marry him?' isn't that a sign to run? maybe i should've left that first time i asked myself that. 

bunbury - june 2015

i used to miss being single and now that i'm single again i remember why i missed it. the freedom to do things by yourself, for yourself. and i don't want to come across selfish or self-absorbed but it's nice. i got my hair done. something fresh and new. something to say who i really am. he didn't want me to cut my hair. he liked it long. so i went with it. but now i'm not beholden to him for anything, i don't have to ask his opinion on anything, so my lovely hair got gone.

and being single means i have time now. time for myself that i didn't have before. time to do my hair in the morning, and go out with the girls for a few drinks. i've got time and now i just need to utilise what i've got to it's full potential.

sometimes it helps to vent.

xx