intentional

from albany road trip
29/12/2015

i haven't written here in a long while. it's currently 1:04am and i'm not even trying to sleep. life has been busy, and being an adult is not as fun as i imagined. responsibilities, bills, commitments, the whole lot is a huge thing to try and navigate. it's tiring, but at the end of the day it's worth it.

i wrote a little thing on my instagram the other day about being intentional...

"intentional: done with intention or on purpose.i hadn't picked a word for 2016 but i think i found the perfect one, intentional. intentional living, eating, surviving. i'm very good at doing stuff just cause i can, but now it's time to buck up. here's to being intentional."

adult-ing may be hard but... in my two years of being an adult (and few months of no longer being a teen) i know that everything is worth it in the end.

and another thing... relationships are tough, they're hard work. i feel like people told me this sorta stuff while i was single but i didn't pay them any mind. now, as i'm in a happy relationship, i have a better understanding of them. instead of just thinking about me i now have to think about him. and man, family is another thing. they matter so much. and i'm super blessed (and thankful) to actually get along with his family. one thing that i've been steadily praying about when it comes to my life partner, is that i get along with my mother in law. thank the LORD for He has answered my prayers and gifted me with not only an awesome future mother in law but an awesome future family.

xx
don't forget.

self-image : face & hair

two hazel eyes
one pig nose
one barely there chin
perfect lips
no cheekbones
EYEBROWS
kinky, flat, dull hair

Somedays i like my face. i think it perfectly smooth, with chiseled strong features. other days, oh lordy, eyebrows too prominent. i usually wear contacts now & i don't recognize myself in photos, especially ones i haven't seen. i walked past the fridge the other day & there was a photo of some people. i saw mum, nom & some other lady. a few days after, i had a proper look at it. that other lady was me! i was wearing my contacts that day & just didn't recognize myself! my eyebrows are terribly dark without glasses, i always like i should pluck them or something... but then i'd have to keep plucking them.
and let's not even get started on my hair. my golly, it has this little kink right up the right, which is why i never have a fringe. it lacks volume, and honestly, i can't be bothered doing anything without usually. 

i feel alive

from facebook fan page

today i feel fat
my body will never
live up to society's ideals

today i feel lonely
pushed into a corner
awkward & silenced

today i feel anxious
don't want to get
out of bed

today i feel sick
of being 
shoved aside

today i feel lost
someone stole life's
map from my grasp

but yet, i feel alive

Small talk

    (image credit: twitter or facebook) 

The incessant chitter chatter of life on Planet Earth.

"Let us talk about the weather. It's quite warm out, is it not?"

"Lovely dress you've got there, ma'am. It flatters your figure."

"The weather is rather warm, I do agree." 

"OMGosh!! What did you do with your hair!?!? It's amaze balls!?!?" 

I don't know about you but, I hate small talk. Little chit chat while waiting for something. If you were to strike up a conversation with me it wouldn't be about the weather, or clothing. It would be about food, or the future. Y'know, important things. Like, Nephelim, and Jesus Christ of Nazareth, and scary, awesome, crazy wonders of God's creation. Or awkward girl problem stories, and pregnancy woes, and children. (& their little problems.) I, as a general rule of thumb, don't like talking to random strangers. I just feel awkward, and ask really weird questions, like, what they think about freemasonry. 

I think that's why I don't have many close friends. If you attain close friend level with me, then we will talk about the deep stuff. How Jesus has changed you, or if He's changed you at all. And then maybe, maybe we won't talk for months. Maybe just mere days. But, the number one sign of true friendship is not seeing someone for years & still being able to enjoy their company. 

Do you like small talk?

remember me

sunlight streams through the window

shadows flee

as forlorn feet make their solemn march

around the corner

towards the front

following the funeral car

tears, though silent as they fall

are heard by one 

by one and all

and the trees tell us a story 

of a man who breathed his last

remember me

when the soft wind blows

when the frost kills the flowers

and there's no more sun

don't forget me

breathe in the scent

of your one

your one and only love

NATURAL

My word for 2014 is NATURAL. I'm striving to be NATURAL in the way I dress, NATURAL in the way I look after my body, NATURAL in the way I present myself, NATURAL in the way I eat. To be my NATURAL self, the real me. 

My aim for 2014 is to get back to the way it was 100yrs ago. To make more of my own products, (soaps, etc.) to live the way I was created to. 

I started the natural journey at the end of last year. I now wash my hair with bicarbonate soda & apple cider vinegar. I've found a way of eating which incorporates fats, carbs, & protein. (It's called Trim Healthy Mama, if you're interested. Look it up, it'll change your life!) I try and find clothes which are made out of 100% cotton (no cotton/polyester mix, & limited polyester fabrics), I also started making my own clothes. Moving towns and starting afresh was wonderful because I can now show my real self. I lived in my hometown for 16yrs, & it was getting a bit too much. I felt I couldn't change because people there knew me a certain way & I didn't want to lose the little friends I had. But, oh well. 

LET'S BE REAL THIS YEAR!

(I'm a bit late on this since it's nearly March. But... better later than never, I always say.) 

X

(In other news, I'm moving back in with my parents in Perth after a wonderful year living out in the wide, open air of Victoria.) 

quitting

source

collarbones. 

dirt on my feet. 

flesh on my bones.

blood in my veins. 

unoriginal.

uninspired. 

death-defying. 

denying all known remedies.

sometimes i feel like i need to do things eloquently. like it's not enough just to be myself. doesn't the world tell you to be yourself? why is it, then, that i feel so much pressure to be you, and vice versa. society isn't all it's cracked up to be, ladies & gentleman. ladies, please, wear some decent clothes, and who cares if you got a new pimple. (you're beautiful, swettie!) and gentlemen, please, do me a massive favour. 

*incoming rant*

PUT A SHIRT ON! I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE A SIX-PACK OR NOT! IF I HAVE TO WEAR A SHIRT, THEN YOU HAVE TO WEAR A SHIRT AS WELL! 

(does anyone else find it strange that whilst women are continually told to put some clothes on, i don't think men are told enough)

*end of rant (please continue in an orderly fashion to the nearest exit)*

so to hell with being eloquent, and like you. i'm gonna be my own damn person, and gonna live my life, and chalk my hair, and get my nose pierced, and wear handmade clothes, and get married, and have children, and grow old with my beloved by my side. 

Children, be wonderful today.

X

(ps. i quit my job. now i'm broke & unemployed....)